let's get serious for a moment

Let’s just get some things straight from the start.

 I’m cynical. I’m sarcastic. I’m self-deprecating. I can’t find a full time job. I live with my parents. I just got kicked off my health insurance. I listen to Morrissey. I listen to Morrissey in the dark. Alone. I have no idea what I want to do in life. I have always had more than a bit of a death wish. I’ve only had one real, actual, L-word boyfriend in my entire life.  I dislike a large population of the world.  I have no real marketable skills. My brother calls me 'girl' and 'fatty' (granted he is joking). My mom tells me to wear make-up, take my glasses off, and do something with my hair (she is not joking). My dad has let a stranger into my room while I was still in bed so that he could ‘clean the vents’( i don't think he understands that is unacceptable). My grandma tells me to use those weird fake hair things you put over a bun, and when I say no, she asks me ‘why don’t you ever want to do anything that will make you beautiful?’

And I am sort of ok with all of this. Yeah, some of it sucks. But all of it is a part of me. So I am ok with it.

That all might upset some people. At some point it may have upset me. but now I just think it’s funny. So when my grandma (who also used to call me a ‘skin-head’ every time I put my hair in a ponytail...not sure if she understands the neo-nazi connotations..) said this. I just laughed and jokingly said ‘but grandma, aren’t I always beautiful? Isn’t that what you should be saying?’

Let’s just say I think grandma learned a lesson that day, and got more than a little sheepish.

Now I am strange young lady. I think it’s fair to say that whether you like me or not. But I am lucky enough to call some of the best people in the world my friends. I truly think these people are going to be the ones to change the world. If it can even change (threw some cynicism in there so you don’t get too worried about me).

 Ever since I was young, I have always been pretty ok with myself for some inexplicable reason. I know, this kind of boggles my mind, too. I  don't recall ever really getting picked on, despite my lanky, disproportionate, monkey limbs. (Luckily, I took dance lessons from when I was 2-10 or I am sure my motions would be even more akin to a baby giraffe learning how to walk.) I got along with everyone. I was good friends with the nerds, the jocks, the theatre geeks, the popular kids, the weird kids. I was all of that.  Oh. And I was nice to people.

The only time I was ever in my life honestly concerned about what other people thought of me was when it came down to whether or not I was “pretty.” But my issue with that is absolutely nothing compared to what girls go through today.

As stated before, I am lucky enough to have an absolutely unfair amount of phenomenal people in my life. These great friends have no qualms telling me how great they think I am (i still don’t get it, but whatever). And they tell me I am beautiful, which was always, and still kind of is, hard for me to accept, but I think that the aforementioned sole l-word ex-boyfriend finally tipped the scale of my stubborn disbelief. So I sort of accept this to be true. Sort of. It's the best we're going to do.

Now the reason I am telling you all of this is not just to further my egotistical wishes in thinking that you want to know things about me that make you uncomfortable.

No. It is because something happened the other day that just flipped a switch in me.

I was talking to a coworker who mentioned that her ten year old daughter, who is absolutely going to be a supermodel, continually asks if she is fat. This same girl has friends who already have eating disorders. The conversations these girls have focus around who is skinny and who is not. Best friends will tell their best friend explicitly and hurtfully that they are not skinny.

Oh my god, holy hell, wtf and all things of nature.

That certainly doesn’t sound like my best friends.

My friends are people who create, participate, and strengthen groups that start discussions about body image, self-esteem, and love . My friends are people who raise awareness about domestic abuse and women's health issues  My friends are people who create installations to promote awareness of climate change . My friends are nice to people.

Like I said. If anyone can save the world (and I sure hope someone can, cause it won’t be me), it’s these people.

My coworker asked if I could perhaps come speak to their girl scout troupe or help them develop an activity for these girls to help their self-esteem, help them love themselves and each other. Now normally I am not a soap-boxy, feministy, save the worldy, activisty type of person, but I think it’s probably about time I stop whining about things and try to do something. Well, I mean, let’s be honest, I’ll keeping whining, it’s what I do best. You should hear my whiny voice if you haven’t already. But I do want to do something. And not just for girls. One thing that bothers me is that people seem to focus only on girls. Boys - and men - have these exact same problems and I bet it is even harder for them to deal with since they should be ‘strong’ and ‘tough’ and all those other stupid words that mean ‘don’t talk about your feelings.’ That’s dumb. Real men talk about their feelings. Those are the only ones I am interested in. Men should get the same attention women do when it comes to self-image and self-esteem. 

Like I said, I want to do something. So I will.  Even if it’s tiny and only affects ten girls. It’s something. If anyone wants to help me, please do. All I know is that when I was ten I was worried about how I could draw better cartoons, how not to gloat when I continually dominated as Yoshi in Mario kart, how to increase the velocity of a sled down my front yard, and where my next donut was coming from. These girls should be not worried about being ugly or fat (as long as they are healthy). The paranoia created by today’s society just makes me want to throw up and truly makes me scared for the future. These girls should not be worried about whether or not they are beautiful. No one should. You shouldn’t. They are beautiful and so are you.

Please see the following links for further reading:

dove's campaign for real beauty 

dove's eye-opening 'evolution' ad

operationbeautiful.com people who go around sticking post-its with inspirational messages in places where it is needed most : bathroom mirrors, inside self-help books, etc. I am going to start doing this and I encourage you to do the same. It may actually save someone’s life.

www.givesmehope.com like fml but for nice things. I was really hating the world these past few days. had fights with family about gay rights, read about h&m destroying clothes while homeless people went without coats, and then heard about these girls. I was pissed. I hated the world and everyone in it. but this made me feel a little better

 www.postsecret.com a forum where anyone can unburden themselves.

http://www.twloha.com/vision - a non-profit dedicated to raise awareness of depression, addiction, and suicide.

photographer zed nelson's somewhat graphic photos and commentary concerning body image entitled, ‘love me’

And if all of this was too serious for you, I do apologize, but I sincerely thank you for reading. Please stay tuned for more of everyone’s favorite crazy light hearted stories about my life and the crazy things I see and experience. And of course, my crazy little white dog and little white haired parents.