Valedictory Speech

Click on the above title ("Valedictory Speech") then click the link for the 2008 Valedictory Address.


Things happen to me so that i can tell a funny story later on in my life.
A prime example of this is the fact that through a glorified speech writing competition, i was chosen to give the valedictory address to my fellow classmates, and about 7 or 8 thousand other people.
This is hilariously ironic for three main reasons:
1) I disliked about 80 percent of my time at school as it was occurring (though i enjoyed the last semester and looking back the others werent so bad)
2) I am one of the most cynical people you will ever meet
3) I currently have no future. 2 of the other finalists are respectively going on to med school and to get a masters in theology.

Other reasons, like the fact that i am not religious and did not use the word "God" once in a speech for a Jesuit school, and the fact that i actualyl am terrified of public speaking and hate having anyone but teacher's read my work are also somewhat amusing.

However, a lot of people seemed to genuinely like the speech. I mean not just friends who have to pretend to, but i wouls say upwards of 20 people stopped me throughout the day to tell me how much they truly loved it. It was odd.

A woman came up to me with her small child and said "my daughter wants your autograph. she loved what you said so much and she said ' mommy i want to be just like her when i grow up'" . i was baffled by this. i thanked the little girl, asked her name, shook and her hand, and instead of telling her to place her admiration in a more worthy contender, i just said " i bet you can do even better". She wants to be a teacher. She's got better goals than i do. So i apologized for the fact that no one had a pen and i could not sign her program for her, and told her she would be a fantastic teacher.
I don't know what to do with things like this.

Then in a restaurant an elderly woman, someone'es grandma complimented me profusely and told me i should be on TV and that i have a great voice (who was she listening to?). She said her son loved it and that he was in communications and would write me a letter and get me a job. She then proceeded to introduce me to her son, and then her grandson. I said i didn't know him and i don't know many math majors besides caroline. Then his mom said " oh he says you were in the same art history class"
whoops. so i was mumbled some excuse about the class size (25 people tops) and said haveagreatdaybye.

It was the craziest day. I still don't believe any of this happened. I am expecting it all to be a big joke that no one wants to let me in on. But until a hidden camera man pops out, you can all watch this. I can't. I heard myself say "good morning" on the video and started to freak out at the sound of my own voice and had to turn it off. I don't think i am meant to be on TV.

The world's overpopulated anyway...

I have come to a fairly disheartening realization today.

I have always said that I don't want kids, though i also always said i might change my mind later on if i got married to some wonderful, witty British man 15 years my senior. (I don't think we have to worry about that as a probable turn of events). However, in the past couple of weeks I have spent bits of time with various adorable, charming, interesting, children. Fascinating little people they are. For some reason, for the first time in...well..ever...i have decided that i actually DO want to have some babies of my own at some point. The children i saw just lit up the room, and their parents looked so happy, happier than i'd ever seen them. So just as this joyous life decision has been made, i come to realize that i should not ever have children. Or pets for that matter.

You see, i am not nearly a responsible enough person to be fully in charge of the health, happiness, and safety of another living creature. I just can't stomach it. Everyone says "oh you'd be surprised what you can do for you children." That may be. But i know i love my dog more than most humans or animals in the world. It's not a child, but it is similar in that if she's hurt she can't tell me why, and i have to know what to do and be able to do it.

Today i had to bring my dog to the vet. Generally one of parents does this because i get queasy around medicine, but today no one could but me. Turns out she has some sort of cyst that was infected. The doctor, a very nice man, took her to another room dealt with the issue and brought her back out to me, fresh wound and all. I wanted to throw up. I felt bad for her, but i wanted to throw up. I want to throw up right now thinking about it. These things are just not things i can deal with. It was, and is, terribly disgusting. We have since put one of those oft mocked cones around her head so she can't bother it. She has never looked sadder. For my schnauzer is proud. Prouder than most little white dogs in the world.
I think we may have broken her soul.

Now she may have to get this thing surgically removed. I can't make decisions like this. I can't go sit with her in the office when she goes under. I love her but i can't do these things. What if i had a kid? It's the same deal. If my kid has some disease where it is getting sick all over the place, i will literally not be able to deal with it because i will get sick. And a terrible chain reaction will occur. If my kid needs a needle, what i am going to do? hold it's hand, smile, and tell it when its over? no i will be freaking out in the corner because i can't look at needles.

This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. But i know this won't change. I can't handle taking care of a dog on my own; how am i ever going to take care of a tiny human being? This is a bit upsetting to admit to myself now that i have decided i want kids, but i suppose the world is overpopulated anyway...

Telectroscope

http://www.tiscali.co.uk/telectroscope/home.php

Have you heard of the Telectroscope? It is a phenomenal site specific project completed by Paul St. George (a more British name could not be found) that has been installed in both London and New York. And it is the closest thing i can get right now to being in London.

The story the artist tells on the website, may or may not be true, but here is what i hav e read so far: It apparently all started with drawings by St George's grandfather depicting a tunnel system that would connect New York and London, two of the greatest cities in the world, using an optical device that would magnify each end. The end result would enable people in each country to see citizens of the other as they passed by and glanced into the lens. I believe his grandfather actually attempted to create this, but the ocean floor collapsed as they tried to tunnel. I am not sure how far they got, because i have not gotten a chance to read it all. I just got excited and wanted to share this before i forgot . :)

Near the Brooklyn Bridge there emerges from the ground a large brassy telescopic-looking device with a lens you can look straight into. Instead of simply seeing a reflection of your face, you can see the faces of Brits doing the same thing, for an identical structure is found near the Tower Bridge in London. It seems as though through a series of fiber optics, or some sort of crazy optical device, you can actually see the other end of the Telectroscope. Thus if you arranged a meeting time, you could theoretically communicate face to face with a friend across the world.

Yes, i know you can do this easily at home through a webcam. What's the big deal, you say? Infinitely greater than simple technology is the idea that you can see another country, another nation of people you have not met, and experience art and a moment of your day with them. Imagine looking at a painting; when someone ambles up next to you to look at the same work of art. Immediately an unacknowledged, probably undetected, connection is made between you and this person beside you. Now what if you have been incorporated into the art itself? You are not only sharing in a moment with this person because you are looking at art together; you are the art. This forces each person who looks into this Telectroscope to give 1, 5, maybe 15 minutes of their attention and their life, to someone they probably would have just callously bumped into on the street without so much as an apology. You are invited to partake in and enjoy a chance encounter with strangers from another part of the world.

This is the one of the greatest site specific works of art that i have heard of to date, though the slides in the Tate Modern were fun. It does exactly what art should do, in a very clever, fantastic (as in fantasy) way. If you live in London or in New York, take some time to open your eyes to the Telectroscope and see new people. Maybe you will make a friend.

Now then, any friends want to go with me to enjoy this before June 15th?

Lifetime.

I woke up yesterday wondering what time it was, having unpacked nothing due to a constant state of illness. Thus, i had no clock. I turned on my TV and at that moment discovered that i could tell you approximately what time of the morning it was judging by what was playing on Lifetime.

This made me want to shoot myself in the face.

By the way, it was 10:00 because an episode of the Golden Girls had just ended and Frasier was about to begin. I do like Frasier. And the Nanny. Which is why i have grown to know Lifetime's programming. Ew. And what's even worse is that any bit of the Golden Girls i catch just further convinces me that i will unfortunately depressingly grow up to be just like Dorothy Spornak. There's even an episode where she gets to be on Jeopardy, a life goal of hers. This is why i don't watch Golden Girls.

You cannot even begin to comprehend how awful this situation is. I had no reason to wake up at any particular time, which was lovely, but always makes me feel a bit useless. I used to be able to tell time almost to the minute when i worked at the farm; i don't know, maybe the sun's shadows or something, but now i can tell time immediately upon waking judging from television. and not even a good television station. no. LIFETIME. Home of excrutiatingly titled movies like "My husband left me, i have since misplaced my child, another person is trying to kill me, and i am going to cry a lot". I mean, really, if it was BBCAmerica that i knew so well, i would almost be ok with myself. Almost.

Telling time through Lifetime led me to the realization that if i do not do something productive immediately, my life will be a downward spiral from this point on. And when i say immediately, i mean 30 hours later, which is now. This is why i have decided to set up a blog for the summer. It may just be filled with crazy things that happen to me, because crazy things do. But it may also delineate my attempts to figure out what i want to do with myself. Or it may be recount stories that have occured this semester, that i just haven't gotten around to recording.

Whatever it is. it will mean less Lifetime. and more life time.