is it just me?

Today i found myself in a quandary.

You see, i live to go to concerts. and i do not like the idea of concerts selling out before i have the time to find someone who wants to go. so i just buy two. today i had one extra and wasn't sure if i wanted to go it alone.

Only one time in my life have i purchased a sole, lonely ticket. that was for badly drawn boy in london, before i knew anyone well enough to convince them it would be a good time. or before i knew anyone well enough for them to just blindly trust my music judgement, as some have come to do. however, the week of that concert about 4 people told me they would have gone if i had only had another ticket. sigh. really?

so far my only experience with going to a concert alone involved everyone telling me it was socially unacceptable to do so, everyone telling me i would get murdered, not getting murdered, going into the venue and seeing that even though people waited outside no one went up to the front, going up to the front, moving cords that got stuck on speakers, seeing BDB singing and shaking hands with people, having sweaty hands since i was wearing several layers of clothes and it became very hot, thinking oh no i think he is going to try to shake my hand, having my hand kissed, thinking boy this is awkward, but enjoying myself nonetheless.

so. as you might ascertain, i was unsure about what going to Beirut alone might bring. the band, not the city. my friend wound up not being able to go and i didn't try very hard to convince anyone to go to Montclair NJ. why? because it was montclair and that is not nyc. people have a hard time with that.

1. i am about to get off the train and a man standing on the other side of the vestibule mumbles something to me. 'what's that?' i say, in a polite way, even though, when written, that sounds impolite or  like an old lady who wears her glasses on a chain and has to look up from her knitting to try to read your lips while you talk. the situation was not much different. i no knitting. but probably should get a chain...  he says ' nice pumas'. what? i was confused. i am wearing shoes that are at least 5 years old because i refuse to part with them, but the weird part is i really think he was sincere. that is all he says. then we leave the train.

2. i get to the venue and decide to check twitter. a fairly new band that i like very much (Pearl and the Beard), just tweeted that they are at the same show. literally as i am replying to the band's tweet, someone walks up next to me playing with their phone. i look over and think that looks like a whole lot like Jeremy from the band i am tweeting. i was intrigued by this new 21st century awkward situation that was born. i felt that tweeting ' i am standing right next to you' is a little too 'call someone on the phone, breathe heavily, then tell them what they are wearing and to look outside.' in other words, a little creepy murderer-y. i decided then that i should just say hi. luckily the minute i was going to do this, he moves forward to an open space further up. which is good because the only plan of action i could think up was poking him in the arm reluctantly, saying 'hi. so this is going to be weird unless the answer is yes, but are you in a band and is called pearl and the beard? if so you are awesome. and i like your beard.' see why it's good for me not to talk to people?

3. pretty sure a girl from high school came up right next to me two minutes later. this has yet to be confirmed because i was still trying to figure out if jeremy was really jeremy and i was starting to really question myself and my perceptions of who people really were.

4. wandering away from the concert (in the opposite direction from where i need to be), killing time because the next train wasn't for about 45 minutes. someone sort of skips up and taps me on the shoulder. oh hey kid from college that i havent seen or talked to in like 5 years; what's up? so we talk. then i go on my merry way because i was very paranoid about missing the only train left.

5. i get on the train. sit down and start to read Jane Eyre, which i am obsessed with right now, and a random girl comes over and says HI! in a very overenthusiastic manner. i look up in a very under-enthusiastic manner. 'so would you two mind sitting together so that my friend and i can sit together?'  'oh. uh. ok'. then me and the kid who picked a newspaper up off the ground unannounced, even though it was under the feet of someone he didn't know who was sitting across the way, had a quick battle about who would be moving. i lost. i move up to his seat and say hi, he barely glances up and feel like we are on some kind of blind train date that has already failed and that i didn't want to happen in the first place.

so i do all i can do. shove myself as far as i can to one side of the seat, hold my book like i have t-rex arms to minimize the risk of touching, and think do weird things like this happen to other people all the time, or is it just me?

afterword: beirut was absolutely fantastic. it WAS jeremy, as their twitter has since told me since i fessed up.