Uncomical Comics

As we all know, i am not a functioning member of the adult world. I do not read the news. i do not watch the news. i do not create news. news is sad for the most part and when i do read it, i just get sad. or angry. better off to stay uninformed.

I do like newspapers though. They smell nice and you can lift off the newsprint with silly putty. but if i don't read news, why would i like the newspaper? well, where else can you start your day with loads of comics, the jumble, and crossword puzzles all in one place? no where, that's where.

So i read, i enjoy, i smile, rarely i giggle if something is worthy. Most of it is at least light-hearted or includes some sort of snarky musing about daily life. My favorites at this point are F-Minus. (see the link) I think that guy is a genius. Also pretty reliable are Get Fuzzy and of course, Peanuts.

There has always been some sort of underlying irritation that i found when i read the comics, though, and i try to ignore it, but alas, i cannot. I will no longer stand for "comics" that address serious life issues or make vast overly political statements.

For example, For Better or for Worse, never a favorite of mine, but one that used to at least not harrass me with death every morning. The past few weeks have been all about the grandfather that has alzheimer's and how this girl wants to get her wedding in before he dies. Really? REALLY? this is a comic? lest i look it up and give you the webster's dictionary of comic, i think we can all agree that this is uncalled for. if i wanted to wake up to death and sickness, i would not seek out the comics, i would beeline for the obituaries. (which i think my mom does...and she calls me depressing for listening to morrissey. well anita, just get yourself in check)

Also, things like doonesbury, which just had a whole thing full of bushisms as their strip, is often far too political for me to enjoy with my unassuming bowl of cereal. but at least this time the dumb things bush said were funny; sometimes the politics can just be obnoxious. it's not that i have no political views; it's that i don't like discussing them..or reading about others' for that matter.

i mean really, what happened to the days when i would be handed the comic section as a little kid and could understand and enjoy at least 95 percent of the comics there? even if things like F-minus went over my head, it at least is funny to someone, and doesn't make me paranoid about my grandparents dying. i don't want to stifle any sort of artistic license; it is a great way to get out your opinions and frustrations, but there is a proper outlet for these things. and it is not next to snoopy or anywhere near my crossword puzzle. is it too much to ask to keep the comics just a bit comic?

yearly horoscope. ha

caroline and i used to read these because they were hilarious. but this one yearly horoscope is all too applicable. i wanted to remember it. this is from yahoo horoscopes


Cozy Cancer will have a great year focusing on the home front. So much of your energy will be giving more to your personal relationships and partnerships. Security and home is such an important part of your makeup and will take center stage in your priorities. Being emotionally sensitive to good relationships that are nourishing and loving will help add harmony in all aspects of your life. The changes you experience in your life will be deeply felt and lasting.

Positive things come from the deep level of attention you give to these transformational opportunities. You will reap great rewards as you learn to expand your communication skills and be true to your inner self and your own personal needs. You are learning new ways of maintaining harmony in your individuality at work and around friends and family. It is important for you to maintain a positive self-image the way you define who you are and how you feel about life as you bring your energy out into the world.

You desire recognition and the more you focus on keeping up a good attitude about your career and life in general, people that you thought overlooked your good efforts will be your greatest and most supportive allies. New opportunities to venture out on your own in business will open up for you, yet if you decide to stay where you are, you will be reaping financial rewards as well. Keep your optimism strong no matter if you decide to move on or stay where you are. Between juggling your own needs and maintaining balance in your relationships, summer will be a wonderful time to get away and take time out for yourself to enjoy relaxing by the sea, swimming and enjoying life.

volume II of the same book

518. love deeply and passionately. you might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
522. volunteer. sometimes the jobs no one wants conceal big opportunities.
530. never miss an opportunity to have someone rub your back
531. never miss an opportunity to sleep on a screened-in porch
535. remember the advice of our friend ken beck: when you see a box turtle crossing the road, stop and put it safely on the other side.
548. don't judge people by their relatives.
553. talk slow but think quick.
557. never betray a confidence
565. tour the main branch of the public library on fifth avenue the next time you are in new york city. unforgettable
571. take along a small gift for the host or hostess when you're a dinner guest. a book is a good choice.
573. don't overlook life's small joys while searching for the big ones
576. don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship
596. never say anything uncomplimentary about another person's dog
609. when boarding a bus, say 'hello' to the driver. say 'thank you' when you get off.
611. write a short note inside the front cover when giving a book as a gift
621. make allowances for your friends imperfections as readily as you do for your own
628. don't waste time trying to appreciate music you dislike. spend time with music you love.
629. do the right thing, regardless of what others think.
632. ask yourself if you would feel comfortable giving your best friend a key to your house. if not, look for a new best friend.
636.life will sometimes hand you a magical moment . savor it.
641. take the stairs when its four flights or less
645. hold yourself to the highest standards
648. don't confuse comfort with happiness
649.don't confuse wealth with success
654. make a habit of reading something inspiring and cheerful just before going to sleep
664. learn to bake bread
667 be an original. if that means being a little eccentric, so be it
670. when it comes to worrying or painting a picture, know when to stop
675. pay as much attention to the things that are working positively in your life as you do to those that are giving you trouble
684. you may be fortunate and make a lot of money,b ut be sure your work involves something that enriches your spirit as well as your bank account
696 when you say ' i love you', mean it
704 watch your attitude. its the first thing people notice about you
710 read more books
713. buy three best-selling children's books. read them and then give them to a youngster
722 don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems
730 learn to juggle
741 keep your private thoughts private
745 be humble and polite but dont let anyone push you around
754 every so often let your spirit of adventure triumph over your good sense
758. surprise an old friend with a phone call
768 dont accept unacceptable behavior
776 write your favorite author a note of appreciation
784 stop and watch stonemasons at work
785 stop and watch a farmer plowing a field

life's little instruction book volume 1

so i will be writing about my lovely long weekend soon, but for now, i have been reading this book my parents got me for graduation. it is entitled 'the complete life's little instruction book'. i have typed out my favorites from volume one, either ones i really like, or ones i need to do:


1. compliment three people every day
6. have a firm handshake
8. look people in the eye
14.buy great books, even if you never read them.
38. make new friends but cherish the old ones
41. never refuse homemade brownies
42. don’t postpone joy
63. use your wit to amuse, not abuse.
68. always accept an outstretched hand
70. whistle
75. ride a bike
94. make a habit to do nice things for people who’ll never find it out.
122. stop and read historical roadside markers
127. wear audacious underwear under the most solemn business attire
133. when someone is relating an important event that’s happened to them, don’t try to top them with a story of your own. Let them have the stage.
158. be tough-minded but tender hearted
164. avoid negative people
178. be kinder than necessary
183. let people know what you stand for – and what you won’t stand for
184. don’t forget, a person’s need is to feel appreciated
194. eat less red meat
203. show respect for all living things
205. choose work that is in harmony with your values
206. loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it seems
227. when someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go
230. keep good company
253. take good care of those you love
261. don’t gossip
262 don’t nag
289. get and stay in shape
290. find some other way of proving your manhood than by shooting defenseless animals and birds
292. don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly
330. every so often push your luck
323 rekindle old friendhips
340 reread your favorite book
353 be there when people need you
354 never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them
360. never eat the last cookie
367. remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who help you.
381. be loyal
382. understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
383 street musicians are a treasure. Stop for a moment and listen; then leave a small donation.
398. if you’re going to be weird, be confident about it
400. begin each day with your favorite music.
413. be enthusiastic about the success of others
419. get your priorties straight. No one ever said on his death bed, “gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office”
430. have a friend who owns a truck
442, laugh a lot. A good sense of humor cures almost all of life’s ills.
443. never compromise your integrity
444. never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed.
455. show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
460. look for opportunities to make people feel important
461. don’t miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what’s to come.
462. don’t use time or words carefully. Neither can be retrieved
474. don’t expect others to listen to your advice and ignore the example
485. patronize local merchants even if it costs a bit more
503. be alert for opportunities to show praise and appreciation
504.commit yourself to quality.
509. marry only for love

photo frame models

These people totally don't even know one another.

What if you were one of those models in the photos that frames come with?

Sometimes they really look like they could be friends or family of someone i know, having a super picnic, or looking so in love while frolicking down a sandy shore.

Sure all models do this, but most are in catalogues. These picture frame people are so much more personal. It's weird. It's actually a bit creepy. I mean, we know its a picture frame. We've seen picture frames before, it really doesn't neccessitate an example photograph. And now these people are just sitting there looking at you like they deserve to be hung on your wall or placed lovingly on your nighttable. Then you take it out, crumple it up and throw it away. The whole idea sketches me out.

What about the families of those models? Do they buy these frames and just slap them on the wall? That's what i would do. Save time and money. And really, if its your daughter or son modeling in that picture, how are they going to feel when you crumple up that picture to put in a photo of the same kid. I think you just have to craft your own frames in this situation. Otherwise you're going to have a lot of the same creepy photo of the same creepy people.

technological libraries

My library has gone quite technological and digital on us all. I do not know what your library is like, though i hope it is not like mine.

Let's not misunderstand here; my library is new and architecturally lovely. It is full of wonderful books, cds, movies, anything you might want to entertain you. But it is too new, too crisp. I think a library should smell a bit musty, like old dusty books. I think there should be dark corners, overflowing wooden bookshelves, and tiny old ladies with tiny old lady glasses sitting under a tiny old lady lamp. In addition to aesthetics, there is no longer any human interaction needed in my library. I don't really like interacting with humans if i can avoid it, so it's weird that this would bother me. I always do self-checkout at a grocery store. No one needs to see what i am buying. And i suppose no one needs to see what i am reading, listening to, or watching. I just feel like at library a certain ritual is expected and oddly cherished.

I miss the days of going up to the counter as a young child with the many books i have picked out teetering dangerously on the brink of my forearms, handing my card that i was so proud to have to the librarian, and watching her stamp each book carefully and patiently. Each stamp was almost like an acheivement for me, because that stamp represented me. When that book was returned, that stamp would show that i read that book, and when i read that book.

These days i dont need that sense of accomplishment from reading a book (though sometimes i do feel it since i dont read nearly as much as i want to), but i still miss the stamping. When i go to the library now, i insert my card into a reader that senses the chip in it. The touch screen usually crassly and silently tells me i owe money in overdue fines before allowing me to place my findings on the sensor pad that registers each item into the computer. When i am all done with this a reciept is printed telling me when the items are due, which i shove into one of the books and dont look at again until the library's automated system calls my house to mispronounce my name and tell me i have insert-number-here items overdue .

It makes me sad to have no stamp. I loved flipping to the front or back cover to see how many times a book has been read. Some books fly through those cards and just fill them up in a matter of days. Others have only 2 or 3 stamps, clearly marking a neglected book. Now i get a book, and it has a card, but no stamps. Just a blank,untouched card. It is like the book has no history. Maybe it's never been read. Maybe it just sits in that library day in day out with no hope of attention. Maybe i am crazy for personifying bound paper and ink. Nevertheless, i do. I think its wondeful when i pick up a crumbly old book from Fairfield's library and see that it hasnt been checked out in 37 years. 37 years of no human contact. Of that information just lying there wasted. It just intrigues me so much more to find those books. It's like i have found a hidden secret, shared only by me and 12 March 1971, whoever that may be.