so if you have played wheel of fortune with me, you know i am better than most. it is sick. i have been called a savant before. but don't worry. i will never get on the show.
i was originally worried with the whole excitement factor. i have to get pretty excited to be vocal about it. so i was all set to fake the bubbly personality through auditions. i was going to clap and woo like you have never seen. that was if i am even randomly selected.
after taking the jeopardy test, and assuming i did poorly, i went to the wheel of fortune website to follow my true talents.this was even harder. here are some of the questions they asked me:
1. are you a teacher? no
2. do you have a pet? yes. dog (why is this relevant? do they have pet's week? the schnauzer and i wil dominate)
3 Are you a parent with at least one child between the ages of 10-17 who might be interested in playing on a special version of Family Week? (why didn't i have a kid at age 12??)
4. Are you an NFL fan? i said yes, because you have to say yes to one. then they ask you your favorite player.
5. Are you an NBA fan? i said no. i cant continue with the favorite player lies
6. Are you a WNBA fan? who is?
7.Are you an MLB fan? meh8. Are you in the Armed Forces? sorry
9. ARE YOU AN NASCAR FAN?? WHAT??? NO. and your game is about words. and sentences. AN nascar fan?? really???
10. ARE YOU AN COUNTRY MUSIC FAN?? WHY IS THIS BEING ASKED?? WHY DO YOU KEEP IMPROPERLY USING 'AN'?? will you not let me on your show because i am not from alabama? because i like top gear instead of nascar? because i know i could be a country singer tomorrow since it takes very little song writing and singing talent? is that why, wheel of fortune? IS THAT WHY??
11. ARE YOU FAN OF SOAP OPERAS? AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS RIDCULOUS. I AM GOING TO GO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FACE
but before that. if i could make a suggestion for your new screening process. how about questions like:
1. do you enjoy wheel of fortune? DO I EVER!
2. do you have a general knowledge of spelling? yes
3 are you good at the jumble and scrabble? no one is better at the jumble
4 can you clap and woo louder than anyone you know? WOO
5. have you been watching the wheel for upwards of 15 years? why yes i have!
6. have you tried to join the wheel watchers club several times only to the internet supposedly screw up and not let you do it? YES. how do you know this?
7 have you gotten numerous college age kids hooked on wheel of fortune and jeopardy? you bet your sweet bippy i have
and most importantly
8. have you ever written a journal entry as a child where you mentioned pat sajak, spelled his name properly, and refrained from commenting on how his head appears to be larger than a normal head to body ratio? READ IT AND WEEP
that's it wheel of fortune. if you dont pick me for your show. we are through
27.1.09
i was a child genius part II
I knew how to draw in a reader. here is the first entry of my school journal from the next year:
"9/16/94
I believe that
There were three wolves and a big bad pig.
I believe that because I like wolves more than I like pigs."
that's right suckas. you had it wrong all along. wolf haters.
"9/23/94
I’m sorry you guys could’nt come to the play because you would of loved the Scarecrow because he was so funny he kept falling down and you would of liked the wicked witch of the west. She looked and sounded so much like a real witch."
1. i still think falling down is funny
2. i am a witch expert. judging from all the real witches i had seen by the time i was 8, this one was pretty convincing.
"9/30/94
Dear Dino,
Pat Sajak called because you just won ten million dollars !
He said you have to go to California to claim it. I’m happy for you!"
proof i have watched wheel of fortune since i was at least 7. which is why i can school anyone in it. proof also that i was nuts.
"Oct 14, 1994 (the ‘o’ decorated as a ghost and the ‘c’ a pumpkin)
There is a hole in my den that leads to my cellar. So you could see if anyone was down there. Once I saw a shadowy figure. I figured out what it was it was the most horrible, most dreaded thing. It was my neighbor! He wanted to copy off all our toys .That’s my hole."
i just liked that one because it ended with 'that's my hole.'"
11/28/94
Rutabaga Rudy
I think the worst injury was a broken nose. I think that because at takes a very long time for fix a broken nose. I’m not even sure if you can fix a broken nose."
first of all, why is this called rutabaga rudy. second of all, what about getting shot in the face, lit on fire,and thrown down a flight of stairs?? not rough enough for you kid? nothing tops a broken nose?
"Dec 14, 1994
If I were Gretel I would put the witch in the refridgeirator and let her die. Then I would get Hansel and I would tell him I found riches. So Hansel could carry the riches and I would carry as much food as I can."
nothing has changed. all of my stories end with 'i would carry as much food as i can'. also notice how i insert the word 'fridge' into refrigerator
"DEC 22, 1994
The greatest gift I have to give is good behavior and love."
cheapskate. good for nothing kid. not even a card with my handprint on it? i think that's a little better than good behavior and love.
"Jan 6, 1995
In 1996 I hope that my family would be nice to each other and loads of other stuff and 5 dogs."
this is so sad. yet so perfect. halfway through i realize that i made a mistake in sharing personal information and so i casually added "annnnnd loads of other stuff.."and i am not joking about those '5 dogs'. i really want em. i dont care if anyone's nice. shut up.
"Jan 24, 1995
I would ask Oz for a brain. Because if I wished for a heart I wouldn’t know what it was for."
I prefer to read this in a debbie downer voice, as if this were a preview to present stacey 'morrissey fan' molski. unfortunately i think i was just being a smartass and saying that if i didn't have a brain i wouldn't have the knowledge to understand how to use my heart. punk.
But let's end with some uplifting 'get out of my face you dont know me' vibes:
"May 30, 1995
If everybody started wearing a new style clothes or hair That I didn’t like I would I wouldn’t wear it because I didn’t like it so I’d just ignore the people who wear it because they’d probably make fun of me because I wasn’t wearing it."
HA! take that you conformist fools!!
"9/16/94
I believe that
There were three wolves and a big bad pig.
I believe that because I like wolves more than I like pigs."
that's right suckas. you had it wrong all along. wolf haters.
"9/23/94
I’m sorry you guys could’nt come to the play because you would of loved the Scarecrow because he was so funny he kept falling down and you would of liked the wicked witch of the west. She looked and sounded so much like a real witch."
1. i still think falling down is funny
2. i am a witch expert. judging from all the real witches i had seen by the time i was 8, this one was pretty convincing.
"9/30/94
Dear Dino,
Pat Sajak called because you just won ten million dollars !
He said you have to go to California to claim it. I’m happy for you!"
proof i have watched wheel of fortune since i was at least 7. which is why i can school anyone in it. proof also that i was nuts.
"Oct 14, 1994 (the ‘o’ decorated as a ghost and the ‘c’ a pumpkin)
There is a hole in my den that leads to my cellar. So you could see if anyone was down there. Once I saw a shadowy figure. I figured out what it was it was the most horrible, most dreaded thing. It was my neighbor! He wanted to copy off all our toys .That’s my hole."
i just liked that one because it ended with 'that's my hole.'"
11/28/94
Rutabaga Rudy
I think the worst injury was a broken nose. I think that because at takes a very long time for fix a broken nose. I’m not even sure if you can fix a broken nose."
first of all, why is this called rutabaga rudy. second of all, what about getting shot in the face, lit on fire,and thrown down a flight of stairs?? not rough enough for you kid? nothing tops a broken nose?
"Dec 14, 1994
If I were Gretel I would put the witch in the refridgeirator and let her die. Then I would get Hansel and I would tell him I found riches. So Hansel could carry the riches and I would carry as much food as I can."
nothing has changed. all of my stories end with 'i would carry as much food as i can'. also notice how i insert the word 'fridge' into refrigerator
"DEC 22, 1994
The greatest gift I have to give is good behavior and love."
cheapskate. good for nothing kid. not even a card with my handprint on it? i think that's a little better than good behavior and love.
"Jan 6, 1995
In 1996 I hope that my family would be nice to each other and loads of other stuff and 5 dogs."
this is so sad. yet so perfect. halfway through i realize that i made a mistake in sharing personal information and so i casually added "annnnnd loads of other stuff.."and i am not joking about those '5 dogs'. i really want em. i dont care if anyone's nice. shut up.
"Jan 24, 1995
I would ask Oz for a brain. Because if I wished for a heart I wouldn’t know what it was for."
I prefer to read this in a debbie downer voice, as if this were a preview to present stacey 'morrissey fan' molski. unfortunately i think i was just being a smartass and saying that if i didn't have a brain i wouldn't have the knowledge to understand how to use my heart. punk.
But let's end with some uplifting 'get out of my face you dont know me' vibes:
"May 30, 1995
If everybody started wearing a new style clothes or hair That I didn’t like I would I wouldn’t wear it because I didn’t like it so I’d just ignore the people who wear it because they’d probably make fun of me because I wasn’t wearing it."
HA! take that you conformist fools!!
21.1.09
i was a child genius
(real posts, esp about travel are postponed until i get my real article done for work. i feel bad writing for fun when i should be writing for money)
when cleaning my room today, i found another box of old elementary school junk that we had kept in the attic. ( i went through a bunch of stuff and took photos of awesome projects, but they aren't on the comp. yet.) i just wanted to share some of these ridiculous gems, word for word. born in 86, mind, so these are when i was 7 or 8:
First page:
"November 18, 1993
My favorite thing to do in the whole world is to be a comidian and a teacher.I want to be a comidian because everybody thinks I am funny.I want to be a teacher because my brother toght me lots of stuff."
cleary he didn't 'toght' me enough.
original story:
"The Lost Dinosaur
Back when dinosaurs ruled the earth. There was a small herd of diplodocus. In the herd was a baby Diplodocus. They were walking a lot. So they stoped for a drink. The baby Diplodocus did’nt notice that the rest of the herd left for home! But suddenly! The baby diplodocus heard a loud ROAR! It was a Tyrannosaurus Rex! The baby Diplodocus was very frightend! Then the diplodoci came and rescued the baby. And they lived happily ever after.The End "
amendment: UNTIL THEY ALL DIED A TERRIBLE MASSIVE GROUP DEATH
also take note of the fact that i can spell tyrannosaurus and diplodocus, yet 'stopped' was too difficult for me. i told you i like dinosaurs. what you're really missing here is the AWESOME drawing. i am going to try and get that up here. i mean. it's awesome.
boy did little Stacey love standardized testing! :
“April 15, 1994All About the IowasThe Iowas is a test that you take in school. It is a very fun test. And it’s pretty long. They call it the Iowas because it came from Iowa. Can you belive it? a test named after it’s own state! The Iowas are easy. You start the Iowas in first grade. So when it’s your turn to take the Iowas you don’t have to be scared. I like the Iowas."
WHAT A LOSER. and this kid thinks she can be a comIdian?! fool.
and finally i would like to not that on may 3. 1994, as part of my note for mother's day. i told my mother i was going to buy her a car because she fed me and gave me cloths. at the bottom of the page I drew a picture of a red “jaguar XJ2twenty” to give to my mom. maybe that's why i watch top gear.hopefully i will get some of the sweet drawings up soon. there are so many dinosaur drawings. and what seems to be a short phase of hot air balloons
when cleaning my room today, i found another box of old elementary school junk that we had kept in the attic. ( i went through a bunch of stuff and took photos of awesome projects, but they aren't on the comp. yet.) i just wanted to share some of these ridiculous gems, word for word. born in 86, mind, so these are when i was 7 or 8:
First page:
"November 18, 1993
My favorite thing to do in the whole world is to be a comidian and a teacher.I want to be a comidian because everybody thinks I am funny.I want to be a teacher because my brother toght me lots of stuff."
cleary he didn't 'toght' me enough.
original story:
"The Lost Dinosaur
Back when dinosaurs ruled the earth. There was a small herd of diplodocus. In the herd was a baby Diplodocus. They were walking a lot. So they stoped for a drink. The baby Diplodocus did’nt notice that the rest of the herd left for home! But suddenly! The baby diplodocus heard a loud ROAR! It was a Tyrannosaurus Rex! The baby Diplodocus was very frightend! Then the diplodoci came and rescued the baby. And they lived happily ever after.The End "
amendment: UNTIL THEY ALL DIED A TERRIBLE MASSIVE GROUP DEATH
also take note of the fact that i can spell tyrannosaurus and diplodocus, yet 'stopped' was too difficult for me. i told you i like dinosaurs. what you're really missing here is the AWESOME drawing. i am going to try and get that up here. i mean. it's awesome.
boy did little Stacey love standardized testing! :
“April 15, 1994All About the IowasThe Iowas is a test that you take in school. It is a very fun test. And it’s pretty long. They call it the Iowas because it came from Iowa. Can you belive it? a test named after it’s own state! The Iowas are easy. You start the Iowas in first grade. So when it’s your turn to take the Iowas you don’t have to be scared. I like the Iowas."
WHAT A LOSER. and this kid thinks she can be a comIdian?! fool.
and finally i would like to not that on may 3. 1994, as part of my note for mother's day. i told my mother i was going to buy her a car because she fed me and gave me cloths. at the bottom of the page I drew a picture of a red “jaguar XJ2twenty” to give to my mom. maybe that's why i watch top gear.hopefully i will get some of the sweet drawings up soon. there are so many dinosaur drawings. and what seems to be a short phase of hot air balloons
1.12.08
new friends and strange journeys
Late November 4th / early 5th November
I really did almost cry when I landed in London; how weak is that? I was just so happy. Ew. Everyone go throw up. I will now. Ok back.
Unfortunately despite my thinking London was home, I realized I really didn’t live here when a couple in the airport asked me how to get tickets for the tube. I had my two year old oyster card in my pocket and decided to see if that still worked, only to find out that not only was it functioning but it had 7 pounds on it! yay! However, when the couple in the airport tried to get me to help them I could not. They wanted a three day pass or something like that and the machines didn’t seem to offer it. I hope it was the machine’s fault and not mine.
Another man – who happened to be the man sitting in my row on the plane – came down with his daughter and was having an equivalent amount of trouble. I swiped my oyster card and walked through the gates, while my new friend pushed my luggage through to me. There was a train waiting to depart but I refused to leave my comrades behind. They couldn’t get the machine to take their tickets (it was too late at night I think – 11pm due to our flight being delayed), and try as I may I could not assist. Finally a tube worker shows up out of nowhere and tells them that they have to go through this other gate as he just glances at their ticket. They were very pleased that I waited for them for some reason “you’re too kind,” one of them says. (Those kind of phrases always make me a little nervous…too kind? Why not ‘you’re just kind enough’? or ‘your kindness has been wholly sufficient in this situation’. it makes me second guess myself to be called ‘too kind’.
We sit in the nearly empty car, joined only by another couple who sat across from me, and participate in some lovely small talk. It is my airport friends’ first time to London so they ask some things to do, if I like being there, etc etc. All was fine and dandy until they started asking me about their hotel or if I knew the best way to get to Buckingham Palace and I for the life of me could not remember. Nor did I have my awesome laminated London map. Just a guide book. With junk maps. I failed again. Sigh.
We ride for a while before the it starts to fill up in central London. I am sitting awkwardly straddling a huge suitcase with my legs so it doesn’t roll and holding onto my huge backpack that is on the seat next to me. At one stop a guy on the platform looks in at me and waves enthusiastically through the window. I kind of look around in a who else can you possibly be waving at kind of way before I halfheartedly and very confusedly raise my hand a bit to acknowledge this.
My other airport friends from across the way (who are the only ones left from the heathrow troupe) laugh as they watch this kid chat me up for the remainder of his ride. He sat down two seats over and immediately began talking to me about I don’t even know what. He’s sloshed. Which of course explains the rest of his behavior. He asks me what I think of his friend James, who went and stood some 7 feet away at least, and then proceeded to try to get me to admit he was a ‘sexy beast’ ‘isn’t james there a sexy beast?’ “hmm. Well I don’t know james,’ I say ‘ you seem interested though, perhaps you should talk to him? Want me to get him to come over here?’ He of course states ‘oh I know him. I’ve had him many times.’ Don’t you just love drunk british men? Because I do. He gives up on his james mission for a while and then all of the sudden lights up again and asks about the election.. “it’s got to be obama right? it’s got to be” Did I vote, he asks? Yes I say, absentee ballot before I came over. Then he goes on to say “it will also start a fun game of when will he get assassinated.” Then he apologizes a bit and says he’s sorry its an awful thing to say but it’s true. This is a common thing I found. I had several Brits say to me that they were both extremely excited about obama and that they think he is going to get assassinated within a matter of time.
I ask him why Bush hasn’t been assassinated then, clearly enough people hate him. He then explains ( I keep saying he because I don’t actually remember my new friend’s name. he may not have told me. Though we did shake hands all formal like)… he then explains that its because rednecks love bush. And that’s who will do it. the rednecks. The US is not gonna let crazy fundamentalist terrorists get to your pres, he says, but the rednecks will do it. He’s got a point, unfortunately.
Towards the end of this subject his friend james the sexy beast comes over and apologizes profusely for his drunk friend. To which my new friend says ‘ nah she loves it’ ‘youre alright aren’t you?’ I’m sorry’ then apologizes more. And I just laughed and said no no its great, and the people across the way can hardly contain themselves.
I should point out that NO ONE else on the tube was talking. Granted it is fairly loud as the old trains squeak and creak as they rush along the tracks, but still, there was no other conversation. Most people do not talk on the tube. And you particularly do not speak to strangers. Unless that stranger is me. Lots of London rules seem to be broken for me. But anyway, that adds a little to the visual of this true spectacle that was occurring.
Then my new friend continues with the politics saying things like “obama. Yeah, so abortions, they’re cool? Making love to everyone ? ‘ and as I said um and began to formulate how to respond to this and the word ‘cool’ being used with ‘abortion’ , not something I had heard before. But before I could respond in any way he switched over to asking if I could do him a favor.
I did not say yes. Because by now I knew my friend well. And I think he has pretty lofty ideas for favors. So I say, well, it depends on what you need because I don’t want to make promises I cant keep. He made a sad face. And then said ‘call me friend james over here and tell him you want to make love to him’ . ha! I knew it kid. No way. So I tell him no, and after much discussing and puppy dog face making, he still did not win. Too bad. Maybe if everyone on the tube wasn’t watching us like their favorite episode of Footballers Wives… but no.
His stop comes, he wished me luck with finding my friend and her place ( I explained the no address no phone situation to which he replied ‘ ooh that is scary’ nice. Thanks.) and said nice meeting me and then walked off. It had not even truly arrived in London and I already let a possible british husband slip away. Sigh. He’s probably an alcoholic. But he was a charming alcoholic. If only I had propositioned his friend…
Well anyway, Chalk Farm comes up, I get off the train and go to the stairs where a concerned woman asks if I need help carrying my suitcase up. No thanks I say, and I continue to insist that I am fine (of course I was not really fine, but for some reason I cant accept help). She looks skeptical but in order to prove myself I just happily trudge up the stairs trying to look like I do this every day. I reach the top of these stairs only to see a sign leading to ‘emergency stairs’ , where everyone seems to walking. I look around quickly. Surely there is another way. And there it is. An elevator! But what’s this. Two really sketchy guys are loitering right outside it..and I just saw one girl almost do an about face in order to avoid these guys and take the stairs. Now normally I am ok with sketchy, but I had so much luggage that I really wouldn’t be able to fight anyone off. Ugh. Stairs it is. So I haul up I don’t even know how many spiral stairs, and pause at the landing thinking my heart is going to explode and wondering if I will ever make it to jenna’s alive, when I look up and see a very nervous looking jenna butler Esposito who looks down and then gets very excited. I THOUGHT YOU DIED , she yells. Yeah. I am the worst friend ever. I am an hour late and had no way to contact her. But there she was. What a friend. Despite the fact that the immigration man yelled at me for not having the full address of where I was staying and asked what I was going to do if she didn’t meet me at the station, she was there.
We get to her apartment down the street at about 1215 am. We check online to see if we have a new president (nope), as we proceed to drink a considerable amount of strongbow. I understand Jenna’s complaints about that drink now. It is too sugary. It will be a while before I choose strongbow again. But anyway. We go to bed around 3 in a good state of mind, good enough for me to ignore the fact that there was ivy growing from her skylight (think of the bug possibilities) and that she told me there were loads of spiders in her room. ahem. really?
But hey. I am in London. and nothing can ever beat the happiness that comes with that. Not even spiders and hang overs and gas leaks.
What?
I really did almost cry when I landed in London; how weak is that? I was just so happy. Ew. Everyone go throw up. I will now. Ok back.
Unfortunately despite my thinking London was home, I realized I really didn’t live here when a couple in the airport asked me how to get tickets for the tube. I had my two year old oyster card in my pocket and decided to see if that still worked, only to find out that not only was it functioning but it had 7 pounds on it! yay! However, when the couple in the airport tried to get me to help them I could not. They wanted a three day pass or something like that and the machines didn’t seem to offer it. I hope it was the machine’s fault and not mine.
Another man – who happened to be the man sitting in my row on the plane – came down with his daughter and was having an equivalent amount of trouble. I swiped my oyster card and walked through the gates, while my new friend pushed my luggage through to me. There was a train waiting to depart but I refused to leave my comrades behind. They couldn’t get the machine to take their tickets (it was too late at night I think – 11pm due to our flight being delayed), and try as I may I could not assist. Finally a tube worker shows up out of nowhere and tells them that they have to go through this other gate as he just glances at their ticket. They were very pleased that I waited for them for some reason “you’re too kind,” one of them says. (Those kind of phrases always make me a little nervous…too kind? Why not ‘you’re just kind enough’? or ‘your kindness has been wholly sufficient in this situation’. it makes me second guess myself to be called ‘too kind’.
We sit in the nearly empty car, joined only by another couple who sat across from me, and participate in some lovely small talk. It is my airport friends’ first time to London so they ask some things to do, if I like being there, etc etc. All was fine and dandy until they started asking me about their hotel or if I knew the best way to get to Buckingham Palace and I for the life of me could not remember. Nor did I have my awesome laminated London map. Just a guide book. With junk maps. I failed again. Sigh.
We ride for a while before the it starts to fill up in central London. I am sitting awkwardly straddling a huge suitcase with my legs so it doesn’t roll and holding onto my huge backpack that is on the seat next to me. At one stop a guy on the platform looks in at me and waves enthusiastically through the window. I kind of look around in a who else can you possibly be waving at kind of way before I halfheartedly and very confusedly raise my hand a bit to acknowledge this.
My other airport friends from across the way (who are the only ones left from the heathrow troupe) laugh as they watch this kid chat me up for the remainder of his ride. He sat down two seats over and immediately began talking to me about I don’t even know what. He’s sloshed. Which of course explains the rest of his behavior. He asks me what I think of his friend James, who went and stood some 7 feet away at least, and then proceeded to try to get me to admit he was a ‘sexy beast’ ‘isn’t james there a sexy beast?’ “hmm. Well I don’t know james,’ I say ‘ you seem interested though, perhaps you should talk to him? Want me to get him to come over here?’ He of course states ‘oh I know him. I’ve had him many times.’ Don’t you just love drunk british men? Because I do. He gives up on his james mission for a while and then all of the sudden lights up again and asks about the election.. “it’s got to be obama right? it’s got to be” Did I vote, he asks? Yes I say, absentee ballot before I came over. Then he goes on to say “it will also start a fun game of when will he get assassinated.” Then he apologizes a bit and says he’s sorry its an awful thing to say but it’s true. This is a common thing I found. I had several Brits say to me that they were both extremely excited about obama and that they think he is going to get assassinated within a matter of time.
I ask him why Bush hasn’t been assassinated then, clearly enough people hate him. He then explains ( I keep saying he because I don’t actually remember my new friend’s name. he may not have told me. Though we did shake hands all formal like)… he then explains that its because rednecks love bush. And that’s who will do it. the rednecks. The US is not gonna let crazy fundamentalist terrorists get to your pres, he says, but the rednecks will do it. He’s got a point, unfortunately.
Towards the end of this subject his friend james the sexy beast comes over and apologizes profusely for his drunk friend. To which my new friend says ‘ nah she loves it’ ‘youre alright aren’t you?’ I’m sorry’ then apologizes more. And I just laughed and said no no its great, and the people across the way can hardly contain themselves.
I should point out that NO ONE else on the tube was talking. Granted it is fairly loud as the old trains squeak and creak as they rush along the tracks, but still, there was no other conversation. Most people do not talk on the tube. And you particularly do not speak to strangers. Unless that stranger is me. Lots of London rules seem to be broken for me. But anyway, that adds a little to the visual of this true spectacle that was occurring.
Then my new friend continues with the politics saying things like “obama. Yeah, so abortions, they’re cool? Making love to everyone ? ‘ and as I said um and began to formulate how to respond to this and the word ‘cool’ being used with ‘abortion’ , not something I had heard before. But before I could respond in any way he switched over to asking if I could do him a favor.
I did not say yes. Because by now I knew my friend well. And I think he has pretty lofty ideas for favors. So I say, well, it depends on what you need because I don’t want to make promises I cant keep. He made a sad face. And then said ‘call me friend james over here and tell him you want to make love to him’ . ha! I knew it kid. No way. So I tell him no, and after much discussing and puppy dog face making, he still did not win. Too bad. Maybe if everyone on the tube wasn’t watching us like their favorite episode of Footballers Wives… but no.
His stop comes, he wished me luck with finding my friend and her place ( I explained the no address no phone situation to which he replied ‘ ooh that is scary’ nice. Thanks.) and said nice meeting me and then walked off. It had not even truly arrived in London and I already let a possible british husband slip away. Sigh. He’s probably an alcoholic. But he was a charming alcoholic. If only I had propositioned his friend…
Well anyway, Chalk Farm comes up, I get off the train and go to the stairs where a concerned woman asks if I need help carrying my suitcase up. No thanks I say, and I continue to insist that I am fine (of course I was not really fine, but for some reason I cant accept help). She looks skeptical but in order to prove myself I just happily trudge up the stairs trying to look like I do this every day. I reach the top of these stairs only to see a sign leading to ‘emergency stairs’ , where everyone seems to walking. I look around quickly. Surely there is another way. And there it is. An elevator! But what’s this. Two really sketchy guys are loitering right outside it..and I just saw one girl almost do an about face in order to avoid these guys and take the stairs. Now normally I am ok with sketchy, but I had so much luggage that I really wouldn’t be able to fight anyone off. Ugh. Stairs it is. So I haul up I don’t even know how many spiral stairs, and pause at the landing thinking my heart is going to explode and wondering if I will ever make it to jenna’s alive, when I look up and see a very nervous looking jenna butler Esposito who looks down and then gets very excited. I THOUGHT YOU DIED , she yells. Yeah. I am the worst friend ever. I am an hour late and had no way to contact her. But there she was. What a friend. Despite the fact that the immigration man yelled at me for not having the full address of where I was staying and asked what I was going to do if she didn’t meet me at the station, she was there.
We get to her apartment down the street at about 1215 am. We check online to see if we have a new president (nope), as we proceed to drink a considerable amount of strongbow. I understand Jenna’s complaints about that drink now. It is too sugary. It will be a while before I choose strongbow again. But anyway. We go to bed around 3 in a good state of mind, good enough for me to ignore the fact that there was ivy growing from her skylight (think of the bug possibilities) and that she told me there were loads of spiders in her room. ahem. really?
But hey. I am in London. and nothing can ever beat the happiness that comes with that. Not even spiders and hang overs and gas leaks.
What?
28.11.08
Flight and Arrival : complete version
Nov 4th 2008
My plan was to begin by saying that i am sitting here in the aisle seat of my continental jet listening to music by john coltrane. however, since my music player doesnt seem to be working, i am instead sitting here listening to the movie Henry Poole is Here, making sure to keep my seatbelt on in case things get nuts. But lets start at the beginning.
I woke at 5am from one of those sleeps where it seems like you just closed your eyes and suddenly your alarm is going off. My dad kindly drove me to the Newark airport. Airports are interesing i decided. I found myself walking past random groups of people wondering, what business do you and your son have in aruba, sir? or I didnt know St maartens was spelled that way, why are there only two peopl sitting by that gate do they know each other? will they go the whole journey wihtout talking? Airports are prime people watching locations.
My luck can't seem to decide if it wants to comply with London rules or general real life rules. I got in, checked my bag, no trouble with the backpack as a carry on (thanks again jess)! The lady at checkin eyes me suspiciously and asks how old i am. 22, i reply. And then she just said something about me being a pretty girl. several questions arose here. why is this relevant to my age? why did you give me that look?`what are you thinking i legit slept 4 hours? The odd occurrences begin...
I can never seem to get through without some sort of trouble which eventually makes a scene. First I asked the man checking the passports if I needed to put all my liquids in a plastic bag, to which he replied “eh. .. well.. yeah. I mean you’re supposed to ..” and kind of shrugged along with some shifty eyes. Huh, I think. So I do that, because he was oh so forceful and convincing. Well, mainly because I didn’t want someone else to stop me. I put my shoes and jacket in the gray box so they can check if I am packing heat in my huge coat. I go to walk through the metal detector and the man on the other side tells me to take off my vest. Then my belt… a bit forward I thought. But my pants WILL fall down. This could get awkward. But I make it through, only to have a man whisk me and my bag away to a special kiosk where he pulls out a water bottle I had ( How could I have been so careless??!) . Luckily he just throws it away and lets me on my way.
Walking towards my gate, I stop for some yoghurt (I shall spell things british-ly from now on just to annoy you) at au bon pain (exactly what I wanted to eat and where I wanted it to be from: one point to my London luck). Then once I found my gate, I decide to go to the bathroom so as to avoid the creepy claustrophobic bathrooms as much as possible. I walk out and they call my row to board, so I just walk up to the desk and walk on with no waiting ( +1 pt to London).
I sit in my aisle seat on the plane, next to a British woman whose husband is sitting two rows up. She mentions to me and the man in the window seat about how they are separated and it is unfortunate how airlines do this and blah blah blah. Then an American lady a few rows up just asked some guy to move so that she could sit in the same row as her kids. “That’s how you do it,” says British lady, “English people aren’t brave.” Window man and I just kind of chuckle awkwardly, probably both thinking, God I hope she doesn’t ask us to switch. I felt so torn. I will happily switch seats with someone, but this would be going from an aisle seat to a middle seat. Who knew who would fill the surrounding seats? Smelly people? Small whiny kick your seat children? I just didn’t know. Not to mention the lack of leg room. And the fact that if I needed to go to the bathroom I would probably have to wake someone up. No. No I refused. I try to be a nice person, but I just will not give up my aisle seat. I felt guilty and defeated and selfish. (1 pt for American luck)
But what’s this! It seems the doors are closed and no one has sat next to this person’s husband! So my neighbor got to relocate, and I was guilt free and left with an empty seat next to me ( +1 to London). I also found out the entertainment was much better than I thought. I looked online and it said I would get my choice of Space Chimps or Get Smart and that is all. Well luckily I got my own little tv with many tv, movie and music options. (1 to lon) Thus far, continental is ok (though I smell a curry meal (-1) coming my way) but I feel like I am cheating on Richard Branson. I miss Virgin Atlantic. So I watch the movie Bullit while I eat my curry – I got the veggie meal even though I entered this preference online waaay too late ( +1 to lon). Bullit was my first Steve McQueen movie. He’s quite good. And Daniel Craig reminds me a lot of a poor man’s Steve McQueen.
Unfortunately the kid in front of me reclined his seat all the way for a good chunk of the flight, though he asked me, so we will say that breaks even. However, whoever was behind me decided it would be fun to kick or punch my seat on and off for several hours (-2). BUT a lovely British man moved his smaller bag from the overhead compartment so I could fit my big backpack on it (+1). Then when I was hoping for a snack, I got not only a snack but a second full meal! With another lovely vegan cookie.
Now let’s just hope I can get to Jenna’s. Seeing as I can’t find the piece of paper with her address and phone number written on it. And the phone I have with me needs to be topped up so it won’t work. All I know is I have to get to Chalk Farm tube station and hope that she will be there waiting. Boy isn’t life exciting?
My plan was to begin by saying that i am sitting here in the aisle seat of my continental jet listening to music by john coltrane. however, since my music player doesnt seem to be working, i am instead sitting here listening to the movie Henry Poole is Here, making sure to keep my seatbelt on in case things get nuts. But lets start at the beginning.
I woke at 5am from one of those sleeps where it seems like you just closed your eyes and suddenly your alarm is going off. My dad kindly drove me to the Newark airport. Airports are interesing i decided. I found myself walking past random groups of people wondering, what business do you and your son have in aruba, sir? or I didnt know St maartens was spelled that way, why are there only two peopl sitting by that gate do they know each other? will they go the whole journey wihtout talking? Airports are prime people watching locations.
My luck can't seem to decide if it wants to comply with London rules or general real life rules. I got in, checked my bag, no trouble with the backpack as a carry on (thanks again jess)! The lady at checkin eyes me suspiciously and asks how old i am. 22, i reply. And then she just said something about me being a pretty girl. several questions arose here. why is this relevant to my age? why did you give me that look?`what are you thinking i legit slept 4 hours? The odd occurrences begin...
I can never seem to get through without some sort of trouble which eventually makes a scene. First I asked the man checking the passports if I needed to put all my liquids in a plastic bag, to which he replied “eh. .. well.. yeah. I mean you’re supposed to ..” and kind of shrugged along with some shifty eyes. Huh, I think. So I do that, because he was oh so forceful and convincing. Well, mainly because I didn’t want someone else to stop me. I put my shoes and jacket in the gray box so they can check if I am packing heat in my huge coat. I go to walk through the metal detector and the man on the other side tells me to take off my vest. Then my belt… a bit forward I thought. But my pants WILL fall down. This could get awkward. But I make it through, only to have a man whisk me and my bag away to a special kiosk where he pulls out a water bottle I had ( How could I have been so careless??!) . Luckily he just throws it away and lets me on my way.
Walking towards my gate, I stop for some yoghurt (I shall spell things british-ly from now on just to annoy you) at au bon pain (exactly what I wanted to eat and where I wanted it to be from: one point to my London luck). Then once I found my gate, I decide to go to the bathroom so as to avoid the creepy claustrophobic bathrooms as much as possible. I walk out and they call my row to board, so I just walk up to the desk and walk on with no waiting ( +1 pt to London).
I sit in my aisle seat on the plane, next to a British woman whose husband is sitting two rows up. She mentions to me and the man in the window seat about how they are separated and it is unfortunate how airlines do this and blah blah blah. Then an American lady a few rows up just asked some guy to move so that she could sit in the same row as her kids. “That’s how you do it,” says British lady, “English people aren’t brave.” Window man and I just kind of chuckle awkwardly, probably both thinking, God I hope she doesn’t ask us to switch. I felt so torn. I will happily switch seats with someone, but this would be going from an aisle seat to a middle seat. Who knew who would fill the surrounding seats? Smelly people? Small whiny kick your seat children? I just didn’t know. Not to mention the lack of leg room. And the fact that if I needed to go to the bathroom I would probably have to wake someone up. No. No I refused. I try to be a nice person, but I just will not give up my aisle seat. I felt guilty and defeated and selfish. (1 pt for American luck)
But what’s this! It seems the doors are closed and no one has sat next to this person’s husband! So my neighbor got to relocate, and I was guilt free and left with an empty seat next to me ( +1 to London). I also found out the entertainment was much better than I thought. I looked online and it said I would get my choice of Space Chimps or Get Smart and that is all. Well luckily I got my own little tv with many tv, movie and music options. (1 to lon) Thus far, continental is ok (though I smell a curry meal (-1) coming my way) but I feel like I am cheating on Richard Branson. I miss Virgin Atlantic. So I watch the movie Bullit while I eat my curry – I got the veggie meal even though I entered this preference online waaay too late ( +1 to lon). Bullit was my first Steve McQueen movie. He’s quite good. And Daniel Craig reminds me a lot of a poor man’s Steve McQueen.
Unfortunately the kid in front of me reclined his seat all the way for a good chunk of the flight, though he asked me, so we will say that breaks even. However, whoever was behind me decided it would be fun to kick or punch my seat on and off for several hours (-2). BUT a lovely British man moved his smaller bag from the overhead compartment so I could fit my big backpack on it (+1). Then when I was hoping for a snack, I got not only a snack but a second full meal! With another lovely vegan cookie.
Now let’s just hope I can get to Jenna’s. Seeing as I can’t find the piece of paper with her address and phone number written on it. And the phone I have with me needs to be topped up so it won’t work. All I know is I have to get to Chalk Farm tube station and hope that she will be there waiting. Boy isn’t life exciting?
25.11.08
i am the worst
I am back in the US, safely, somewhat sickly, and sadly. It seems i am to do everything in preparation for Thanksgiving so there is not much time these days to upload photos or write. BUT i do plan on doing this at some point. I kept a journal for maybe half of my journey? so i will transcribe those, and then write about the rest of my adventures, mainly so i can remember them. Anyway, check back after Thanksgiving when i will hopefully have time to regale you with tales of my wonderful, fantastic, whirlwind trip.
10.11.08
Flight and arrival
So it seems my time just rolls over in this internet cafe. though i have to leave in 15 to 20 minutes so i can find my train. and find a WC. Here is what i wrote on the plane and such:
My plan was to begin by saying that i am sitting here in the aisle seat of my continental jet listening to music by john coltrane. however, since my music player doesnt seem to be working, i am instead sitting here listening to the movie Henry Poole is Here, making sure to keep my seatbelt on in case things get nuts. But lets start at the beginning.
I woke at 5am from one of those sleeps where it seems like you just closed your eyes and suddenly your alarm is going off. My dad kindly drove me to the Newark airport. Airports are interesing i decided. I found myself walking past random groups of people wondering, what business do you and your son have in aruba, sir? or I didnt know St maartens was spelled that way, why are there only two peopl sitting by that gate do they know each other? will they go the whole journey wihtout talking? Airports are prime people watching locations.
My luck can't seem to decide if it wants to comply with London rules or general real life rules. I got in, checked my bag, no trouble with the backpack as a carry on (thanks again jess)! The lady at checkin eyes me suspiciously and asks how old i am. 22, i reply. And then she just said something about me being a pretty girl. several questions arose here. why is this relevant to my age? why did you give me that look?`what are you thinking i legit slept 4 hours? The odd occurrences begin...
O dear. i have to go. this is certainly not the end of the first entry but i reall must go to the train station. hopefull i can continue this tonight in munich .sorry.
My plan was to begin by saying that i am sitting here in the aisle seat of my continental jet listening to music by john coltrane. however, since my music player doesnt seem to be working, i am instead sitting here listening to the movie Henry Poole is Here, making sure to keep my seatbelt on in case things get nuts. But lets start at the beginning.
I woke at 5am from one of those sleeps where it seems like you just closed your eyes and suddenly your alarm is going off. My dad kindly drove me to the Newark airport. Airports are interesing i decided. I found myself walking past random groups of people wondering, what business do you and your son have in aruba, sir? or I didnt know St maartens was spelled that way, why are there only two peopl sitting by that gate do they know each other? will they go the whole journey wihtout talking? Airports are prime people watching locations.
My luck can't seem to decide if it wants to comply with London rules or general real life rules. I got in, checked my bag, no trouble with the backpack as a carry on (thanks again jess)! The lady at checkin eyes me suspiciously and asks how old i am. 22, i reply. And then she just said something about me being a pretty girl. several questions arose here. why is this relevant to my age? why did you give me that look?`what are you thinking i legit slept 4 hours? The odd occurrences begin...
O dear. i have to go. this is certainly not the end of the first entry but i reall must go to the train station. hopefull i can continue this tonight in munich .sorry.
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